welcoming a new life

maybe i was pacified with my life..maybe i was forgotten how miserable i used to be..maybe i was foolish to let go of everythg i'd believe..maybe... -maybe if i stop saying "maybe" i dont have to think about it anymore..lol-

owh ya..blog sy sudah bertukar wajah -wacccaa- sy xmenafikan fitrah seorg manusia yg ingin myayangi & dsygi.. tp bkn la pd bangsa sekaum.. sbb sy percaya hamba2Nya diciptakan berpasangan berlainan jantina. sy jarang on fb utk mengetahui perkembangan kwn2 sy skrg ini..cuma mengisi ms dgn bermaen ravenwood -i loike- namun sy tertarik utk mendalami profile seorg lelaki ini. ye..semua manusia itu istimewa. dan die lebih istimewa jika die bijak memainkan peranan hidup dgn sewajarnye. lelaki ini mempunyai personaliti yg menarik, dan seandainye die "bertindak" sbgi jantina yg dikurniakan sjak lahir pastinya ramai wanita akan tertarik dgnnya. tp apakan daya..walau dikumpulkan sejuta wanita paling cantik di dunia masih tidak mampu menawan hatinya kerana die lebih tertarik dgn insan yg bernama "LELAKI". 

sy berdoa teman itu akan dpt hidayah suatu hari nanti. 

-jelas kini kenapa sy slalu menggunakan bahasa inggeris sbgi bahasa utama post sy..sbb bhs melayu sy sgt lemah..menangis smbil mkn brokoli-

the girl who said..I DOnt..

currently im falling in love with ravenwood fair in fb.. n yesh..m gaining like 7kg now..so total weight is 59kg!! wow..that is marvelous.. lol.. with not too tall size n gaining weights like that i could imagine myself being a petite yet plus size model! -laughing- oh plesh..i do love myself -beyond every women ways..lol- n sumtimes we do have to laugh at ourselves.. -we r not sum perfect creatures-

i dont - agree with using plastic bags  but what can i do if 1 whole world using it "generously" ? i can use friendly eco-bag every time i want to buy sumthg n say no every time the cashier want to give me plastic bags. n i m totally support some market that avoid plastic bags usage (even for 1 day in a week) that surely helps a lot.

i dont - amuse by P.D.A using fb from some lovey-dovey couples that keep praising each other, give "sweet" statement how much " i love u " to their significant one, or some statement they wrote n dedicate it for their kids who doesnt know fb yet doesnt even know how to read.. ROFL.. come on la.. u can alwiz use msg  in fb or  hello.. there is cellphone that u can alwiz use to connect with ur love 1..no need to tell the world la..but those were common things ppl do to show how perfect their life are? totally big N-O.

I dont - care how much u know how to cook everythg by showing those perfect meals pic u have invented. -sounds meanie but do i look i care?- does it important to show world that i could actually beat "top chef" ? or dont hate me coz u aint me as i know how to impress ppl by making this, this n this? LMAO.. -gosh i wonder why i hate social network these days.. -

but..

i do - admire a couple that i didnt even notice them until 1 day i met this lovely lady using frenster. -she's a fren of a fren of a fren of a fren..well actually we r in same matriks..lol- n that time shes about to get marry with a humble guy (same matriks also) shes not a hot chick type but shes sweet. n now they already have a child. i alwiz stalking them (hihi via fb ofc) no need those sweet words to express how they feel towards each other using fb (which can annoy ppl such as me..huhu)

i do - have a long distant relationship.. n dont tell how much difficult it is as ive been thru it for 10 years.. only God knows how it feels..

-statement dari seorg gadis kerdil di bumi ini-

wendu pd bukit broga..

the girl who is...unsure -sigh-

yesterday..my mom asked that "special" question in my life? -when u will graduate for 2nd time?- n that question really hit me hard! -dush-(feeling beaten up..lol) seriously..me myself didnt have the exact answer.. surely i wanna convo (desperately!) n i will feel upset with myself if i cant make it. i mean after those sweats, tears n etc..etc..of course i wanna be graduate for my master.. it juz...i dont even know.. (denial!)

but what i can say..i will graduate next year..n i will make it inevitable..(lol?) juz hope n pray..n not to forget to finish everythg a.s.a.p... i really have a long list plan for next year..n this wont stop me..(hihi)

the girl who wants to cry no more

how pathetic.. lol.. (talking bout own self) if u happened to like sumthg in ur life its sooo hard to leave it juz like that. yet it's harder when it comes to love sum1 esp.. i may b an old-fashioned girl (still can consider myself "a girl" ? haha) as i told myself since i can remember that i wud only date sum1 who will become my mate one day. n who will know that right? i pretty certain, even for once in our live, we used to have a sign or signal for ourselves.. like when we 1st time met sum1 special we cud knew if they were meant for us.. or wont they? =p

i used to have a crush with a heartthrob guy( ^_^) -btw my definition of great guy is different from other girls so who cares if he's hot for me n not for others? hihi- im crazy for this guy (b4 i met mr.z obviously...=p) sent him letters (n he replied it tho) but i was wrong.i mean..i like him coz he has similar figures as the one i used to get crush b4 not bcoz i like him as himself. n as the friendship evolves, we get separated in finding our ways.. he met his fiancee n will get marry soon. n im happy for him.(seriously) sumhow i wonder if he ever said the sacred word "ahem" n we didnt compatible for each other, we will break off eventually, right? n what happen to my vow that i want to date my mate only? see..things happened for reasons.. (talk to myself..) 

the girl who is depressed..currently

i can consider myself as emo person.. n i tend to be happy like hell when ppl around me but when im alone..only God knows exactly what i feel inside. n it is sad when sum1 u thought connected with u, mind n soul, did sumthg beyond ur expectations.. i wish i am sleeping beauty who gets to sleep n only wake up when her prince come to save her (LOL) but in fact im not beauty..the title will change to sleeping beast? LOL..

for others, starting a new life may seems so easy..as for me it is tough.. i dont know where to begin..yet i dont know how to end my miserable-current-life.. perhaps the happiness works differently.. do i have to kiss a lot of frogs before i meet my prince? NO. do i have to risk my happiness for sumthg that i foresee the dark ahead? NO. do i have to forget my past n never look back? hell NO.. it may be the tormented past stories i never wanted in my life but its mine. n no one can judge it even myself.

ill be happy now (well im not but im trying)

the girl who happy for her buddies ^^

this lovely entry is dedicated to my beloved fwens.. so here we go.. -big grin-

mekcah a.k.a bride-2-b 

recently ive received a great news from one of my pal n shes about to marry her lovely bf -sweet!- we r not really fren actually (kami hanya kenal gtew2 aje during our degree) but thing turns out to be different when we finally became roomate. sy bkn la jenis yg cerewet org nyer bila 1bilik dgn org lain (coz i alwiz have my own space at home ..lol) but for me there shud be at least a chemistry when u started to share a place with others. n with this girl, there are so many chemistry we'd shared -shocked!- haha..i never thought i cud actually shared everythg with her..(even toiletries..) shes like my sister..(sy kakak n die adk..ekeke) sbb sy sgt garang (dlm sesetgh perkara yg melibatkan kebersihan terutamanye) n she did understand me.. 

shes a pretty girl inside n outside..shes not the type of girl who will ease u  when 1st time u've meet her. she wont please but when u really know her, shes beyond that..n u will know shes actually like an open book. whats on her face thats what shes feel inside..-terutama bila die tbe2 masuk bilik n terdampar dgn budak gemok kesygn nyer..haha-

die xpenah berkira (n mungkin 2 salah 1 sbb die salu kene buli dgn seseorg -_-" ) n etika kami -jgn kedekut dlm makanan -hehe. sbb sikap die yg xkisah n xberkira sy takut gak in case she meet sum1 yg akn buli die dlm hubungan ( sbb sy kakak sy sgt runsingkan hal org lain o.O) but luckily..she met the perfect guy ..n that man is lucky to have her coz shes well-trained about household chores since she was a child..ekekeke-smiling- n i hope it will last until the end of their life..

 ms g gim sesame..hihi kunun2 nk kuwus n sihat..

malangnyer mekcah maintain kuwus n sy maintain chubby..nanges!

cik ros a.k.a bride-2-b also ^^

n this girl..she never talk bad about others... she alwiz said bout herself..hihi.. die sgt tegas dlm hubungan nyer -nanges sbb sy xtegas cuma garang- shes a sweet girl who will get married at this tender age of early 20..( sy xtau umo cik ros tp die mude la ddr sy ..nanges lg) die ni bdk praktikal yg menyewa umah sesame dolu.. n ms 2 la ade kejadian xdiingini berlaku (-_-" umah seksyen 1 bbb mmg kwsn xselamat)

time kasih kt tunang cik ros sbb sudi temankan kami sume dgn tdo kt hall selama seminggu (ms 2 takuts sgt2 sal kes org msk umah n curik brg2), dgn kak T (jiran yg prihatin sgt2 -_-") yg salu beri nasehat xputus2 (org senyum pon wat muke toye! -geram-) sume pon kenangan khennn..smoga kekal la ke akhir hayat yer cik ros ^_^ (pas ni kena pggil puan ros la plak)

-blum dpt msk kn gambo dgn cik ros - _- "

cik jeda a.k.a ida

ha ni lg sowg budak yg thn dgn mulut laser i -haha- n like mek cah shes also well-trained future housewife -pakar dlm membuat smbal tempoyak- sy xpenah rs janggal dgn die pon sbb die ni peramah n leh cite mcm2. salu sgt lepak bilik die n baring2 gaye gedix kt bantal smbil die lipat segala jenis pakaian atau mengemas. shes like our lil sis in the house.

-nanges sal lum ade gmbo dgn cik jeda lg..t la kalo dpt jmp kt kuantan..leh hang out sesame.. -  in future..hope everythg get smoother between u n your significant one.. lifes hard but we r tougher.. 

cik sue a.k.a tsisue

  

pandai da posing cr cahaya..lalala

sy byk gmbo dgn cik sue sal sy salu menyebok nk bergambo gak time die siap2 nk posing..ekekeke..bg sy die ni la gal paling tabah penah sy jmp..die xpenah nk marah2, agak2 kalo da tensen 2 die jerit je dgn gaye pasah sandha..haha.. n sy harap sgt die akan dpt kebahagian die akhirnye. shes a good, warm heart gal n worth to die for -big grin- i pray for ur happiness sue.. 

 

demam antm cycle 13 (petite models..lol) 

sbbkan cik sue lg kuwus dr sy maka cik sue jd nicole n sy jd laura...ke? hahaha

puan liza a.k.a iron lady (hihi)

waahh..nape sy gelar kwn sy yg sowg ni iron lady? sbb die mmg versatile wat mcm2 dlm 1 ms.  n right now shes a wife, student n good worker. phew... shes like my eldest sista. kami da lame kenal 1 same lain. since kindergarden.. n then went to school togetha until form 4 when i pursued my study at Muar. shes mature than i am n she live her life to the fullest. she never like to compare her life with others coz everybody got their own life..

she get married on 2008 after like 7yrs relationship (if im not mistaken) yes..at that time i do feel lost..coz im losing my bestfren to the man that she loves. but then..since i knew her hubby i didnt feel so bad coz i knew he takes a good care of her n loves her more than life itself. -smiling to oneself- i wish they can have their own kids one day coz she'll be the best mom. 

during her wedding -she was a beautiful bride i ever seen-

well..as for me.. these girls left their marks in my life.. n i do wish for their happiness n far away from any sadness in their life. they are wonderful..n m hoping the best for them alwiz -smiling-

kepenatan stlh mendaki bukit broga...hihi

motip letak gmbo ni? xde kena mgena dgn entry..lol

write it as u remember it..huhu

i like to read ppl status n comments in fb.. yeah sum are interesting..some r boring..n sum r annoying..-huhu- n yesh i didnt put any status on my fb -coz i wanna keep it low profile ..lol- but then i didnt-never in my life-..send a msg -via fb- n ask a man -who i barely knew for real- is he already married or not? or send a comment to his status n -without hesitation- self-proclaimed "i am this guy's gf" n wat-so-ever...-wah m in anger that i slammed my keyboard hard..huhu- yesh i m not a girl-next-door who happen to be a perfect gf for any1.. yet m not a damn-hot-drop-dead-gorgeous-angel that everyman wish for..im juz me.. a simple girl n -dont-forget-the-ugly-duckling-part...lol... me n my significant one had discussed n we r happily to keep our relationship for ourselves -means: no romantic comments, or anythg that can make our relationship become public news...-lol!

yesh ... i m "bitchy" sumtimes... in a polite way i could say.. -as he wont support my bitchiness coz all he can say is "its ur fault"..yup hes not the type of guy who will only see his gf kindness,bright side... he alwiz make me analyze my actions, my words.. n make me realize that the world does not revolve around me.. - owh back to the comments thing.. i knew that girl kinda like him..-so what- i do feel bad for her.. but i feel bad to myself 1st - she really has a gut to say that im damn unlucky to be his gf when she doesnt even knew him for real- lol! the truth is ugly, isnt it?

-sorry for bitchiness words..huhu-

win-win situation? lol

m happy..u happy..we all happy..-happily ever after? - opps..we're not living in the far far away-fairy tales-land.. nothg is forever -well..i like to use "ephemeral" @_@ - hihi.. whats on 10/10/2010? surely it will "haunted" us, malaysian, for a long time like highland towers tragedy >.< .. a tragic acccident here in Malaysia (the 30th among countries with the highest number of fatal road accidents) there alwiz been an accident there (the place wer the accident happened) however, i often forget about it whenever i drive back-to-back from bangi 2 melaka.. luckily nothg ever happened to me (but who knows later in life >.< ) -take a precaution-

owh ya..its also a day when some of my frens tie a knot -sweet!- juz a speculation..i noticed somewhat we called "friend" or particularly "best-fren-forever..bff" is actually useful when we are single..but when we are married it turns out to be "do-we-used-to-be-frens-coz-it-seems-like-i-dont-even-care-bout-u" lol! n 1 more thing..its-a-must-u-have-2-come-2-my-wedding-if-not-i-wont-come-to-urs-either! wahahaha... -big laugh-btw,,izzit a must when sum1 congrats u for ur marriage n u give them a heart-attack question -an atomic bomb i presume- "when u gonna get married?" izzit a simple question with a certain correct answer or a question which can be answer by kindergarten child? its a big N-0. its a question which no one can answer merely by yes or no.. its also as same question like "when u gonna die?" see...no one can really answer that -cringe!- 

sumhow..i do wish i was a child..nothg to worries..(5yrs old child can do as i dont want to study hard for exams...lol!) but then when i look back to myself again.. a bit relieved coz at least a quarter of my life ive spent on learning, studying..n not playing around (n hopefully it really worth -big grin-) yesh my life wasnt a fairy tales.. but sumhow a person i am is a real me ..n my bffs are really a true frens.. (ever 1 of my fren is an artist now -hehehehe- )we will never have to be "plastic" to each other coz we know who we are -relieved- 

looking back ...shudnt i suppose to finish my thesis rather than update my blog? -_-" sigh..yup..this is me..lol!

perhaps.. a lil happiness will be juz fine -_-"

yesh..do feel tired n annoyed with posts to come..coz sum1 i related to mind n soul is m.i.a -cringe!- i will be ok i know..its juz a matter of times..n i do look towards it. m not a cry baby..nor a-pathetic-dependent-yet-weak-girl-shud-b.. i dont know where my life will leads..(or shud i lead my life..thats the better question..) but sum1 gave a pleasant answer that my life is to be with him eventually ( -heart's smiling-) yesh but its too far for me too reach it now.. as my life is so empty recently n needs sumthg to fill it -sad-

yup i know..i have to settle my "burden" -sigh- if u r not happy doing sumthg u wont be able to put all uve got to it.. n to me.. i feel like i was forced to accept it..to like it..to finish it n yet to submit it..coz every single things that happen really make my heart push it away.. (ofc its my thesis..lol) but ill make it up..n ill submit it..ill do whatever it takes...

heart..plz be brave,,n take the challenge!! lol

behind the smokey eyes

i heart smokey eyes... its full of mystery n so damn-pretty..hihi.. n yesh until now i still love it.. sumtimes (during my msc studies) my bff's n i went out, n that smokey eyes is a must for me (if i had time...n not lazy to dress-up..hihi) n i do remember 1 of my bffs called it smoking eyes..(hihi..) those were good old days..i missed them.. i had a really bad days now..i mean bad times.. n during these times..its a relieved whenever i have a chance to connect with them even via internet ^_^  n ofc its a good thing if i can connect with the 1 i care the most (but we drifted apart..-sigh- but babe..i will understand ur situation..n ill wait for ya -smile- even u wont read this.-cringe-)

---

well..good thing is ephemeral.. n so with bad ones.. everythg is ephemeral.. its up to us to make it lasts.. -haiysz- sumtimes i do wish certain moments in my life will repeats again n again..but then i wont be able to stand up, facing new things in my life coz i will obviously enjoy those moments.. life is hard but thats the way it has to be..to make us stronger..braver.. -heart smiling-

-monolog-...in spite of  being jealous..i mish u babe -haiysz-

insecure -_-"

last week was my 2ndary school reunion (b4 i transferred to muar..hehe) what d'ya expect? ofc m not going.. 1 of the reason got sumthg to do ..while other reason..m not brave enuff to x-pose myself..eekeke..(joke!) they all turn out to be sum1 hawt..meanwhile im still an ugly duckling..lol..the only difference is m not going to turn out to be a swan..(haiysz...) i got this irrelevant-instinct from my childhood until now (which i knew it's sooo ridiculous) to be outstanding u have to have a pretty face..which combine perfectly with fair skin n no acne at all.. (yesh i know beauty is in the eyes of beholder...) n as for me..having a tan (wahahaha..if only it is tan.. =p ) skin..face full of pimples here n there..really didnt caught any eyes la..

do i feel so pathetic? life is pain..n we have to go on even we have no life..NO LIFE? i have a life.. n my life is hard..yeah who doesnt? to have the insecurity -feelings of what u r alwiz troubles me.. n feelings of being rejected..in so many times.. well guess luck isnt my way of life..(huhu) 

but..deep down..i know.. sumwhere over the rainbow.. theres a perfect place for an ugly duckling ^_^

till then..

droplets..

no its not raining here.. but currently listening to colbie caillat -droplets. yeah in life we often meet ppl who will leave a mark in our life..our heart. n the hardest part is we cant tell ppl how much we care bout that person when they left us. we cant tell them how much they meant for us or how much we need them in our life..

 idk if thats the best things i shud do..but im leaving u.know that it hurts me as bad as it hurts u. but i cant continue living like this..

sometimes..

omg..this mean girl is back..ekekekeke..coz its hari raya so slmt hari raya maaf zahir batin. but as human we cant control what will comes from us ..or had came..huhu. n i felt sorry for sum1 who "accidently" got a "gift" from me today...aww..poor lady its u who want it..yet i keep it for u for a really long time.. btw.. actually i am a good girl but this critical situation that i held for my entire lifetime really taught me to be super strong esp when facing that certain "type" of people.. who cares if i didnt get married now? who cares if i keep studying until m grew old? do i ask for their money? BIG N-O! yesh my golden-ultimate target in my life is to get my PHD..n i m hoping to become prof emeritus one day..is that a big prob to u? did i ever bother ur super-pretty-daughter fiancee? did i ever had a glance of ur big-"kapochi"-hubby? i didnt..did i? so i dont understand why u guys keep telling everybody that im like this im like that? hurm..on 2nd thought.. i didnt think  m  so glamour  until u guys keep talking bout me did i?  

well..enuff for that unstable-emo post..hihi..know what..i have a list of things i wanna do b4 i settle down with who-ever-that-sum-1-will-b.. n yesh..if god-willing i will done all that b4 im turning 30.. (owh my...i do realised how old matured i am now..lol) still long way to go..n lots of things to do..juz follow the path that lies ahead.. as long as i didnt allow my heart controls my head..

till then..

welcome back..n a denial..

hihi..m back after so many months.n dont expect so many stories from me as im juz an ordinary girl who leads a simple life tho its fasting month already n hopefully things will get better even best for all of us m a bit sad coz sum1 is leaving me..but i do wish its only a matter of time.. if not..well i do have to keep on moving with or without that person..huh *sigh* in time being i juz pretend that that particular person still with me even we drifted apart..huhu.. 

its good tho..i lost almost 10kg within 3-4 months n idk what ive been doing..hihi n i do miss my frens esp geng kapak sumbing.. this fasting month sure reminded me of the time we broke the fast together..aww..so many memories tho.. i do wanna experience it all..but the sweetest things only..those that involved dramas, heart feelings..sorry..no-can-do..  

hope to have a chance to blog again.. n do miss sum1.. again..slmt berpose sume ^^

  

      

~no matter~

healing..

=) after a while.. sy kembali ke blk n tgk pokok bunga hiasan sy udah nazak..sume daun2 nye telah mati kecuali ade 3 helai daun yg agak parah tp masih hijau.. hurm..proses buang daun2 mati telah sy lakukan smlm smase ujan lebat (ati sy pun sedang hujan semalam..nanges!) skrg ni pokok yg mempunyai pasu kecik yg berwarna pink sedang mengalami proses penyembuhan... hrp2 sgt ia akan segar smula.. =)

hihi..owh yer.. earlier this month was our anniversary (me n my bintang hati a.k.a mr.z ) hihi..wishing us another 9 years together...n another 9 years..n another till death do us part.. =) well..my plan xjd nk wat surprise..nway.. still happy bout it.. =) 

till then..

chill!

xpunya sape..

sy hanya mampu bertabah.. smoga sume ini menjadikan sy lebih matang n berhati2 dlm kehidupan.. sy xsalahkan sesiapa hny diri sdiri.. glad even my heart bleed terribly, i still can wipe my tears n smile! deep down inside me i know my heart actually broken into million pieces at any single words that he possibly accused! tp xpela.. sesape pon leh ckp pe je yg mereka inginkan.. human rights kan.. sape la sy utk tentukan ape yg harus diperkatakan oleh org lain.

sok sy ade intebiu stage 3 SD. yup..i'm driving all the way 2 subang..alone! (huhu...yup it's soo lame to others but for me..sy xpnah drive ke sana sblm ni maka ye..ni ade la ujian terbesar wat sy utk drive bersendirian, TIDAK SESAT, n perlu smpi seawal 8.15 ke destinasi yg jln nye mmg popular dgn JEM! ) puas la cik sue n hisam dok terangkan jln pd sy...terima kasih kamu ber2! hopefully this time sy fokus n xsesat.. =) 

wish me luck!! =)

my life is sooo not a fairy tale..

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end"

no...definitely not b4 the "day" plz... kalo sesuatu yg teruk nk berlaku tlg la after the "day" (at least i could accept it a bit..huh! sigh) yup..it's totally my fault.. ye sy xberhati mulia spt die.. n i admit it he's way better than me in everythg.. n there was me who excitedly thinking various ways to entertain him on our special day.. but now everthg seems to collapse right in front of my eyes.. sy tau die amat marah skrg ni.. the way i'm keeping sumthg from him..the unknown action i'd done..tahla..sy rs sgt2 la bersalah tp sy tau kalo skrg sy minta maaf pon die xkn lyn.. sbb sy mmg bersalah sgt2... this could last a week...two or three weeks worst! (by the time it's already our day! =(...) 

padan la muke sy ni kan.. sedey la.. kind of mish his jokes, smile...n everythg bout him...mungkinkah sy hanya mampu mengenangnye di masa hadapan? (harap sgt tidak!) yes he could be the sweetest man on earth when he's happy but currently he's not in a mood..(sigh!) mr. z.. sy syg bangat sama kamu.. =( juz hope n pray everthg will be better soonish! kind of weird when he's not being himself..nanges!

 

mode: jiwe kacau + rs bersalah sgt2 (-_-")

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
 

sy tau sy salah...sy minta maaf sgt2.. (-_-)

layanz..

best! 2 thumbs up!

=) hehe..sy da stay kt kolej skrg ni.. life? so far ok la..happier than b4..n lebih selesa skrg.. heart? hurm.. i'm juz a normal human being..there's up n down tp sy mls la nk pk2 da.. biarlah kan.. ade adelah.. xde xpaksa.. owh yer.. sy sgt berdebar menantikan mggu hadapan.. 1st n 2nd stage of SD's interview sy da pass! (alhamdulillah! the verbal ques was tough tho~) haha...xla susah kot bg org yg excel tp bg sy agak susah la sbb ade ms sy mmg mls membace..hehe.. utk stage yg seterusnye ni sy sgt takuts! (owh yer inilah gak nyer perasaan peserta american idols..hoho) pape pon sy harus wat bersungguh2 sbb ni mungkin ditakdirkan utk sy (setelah sekian lame tanam anggur ke?nanges ckit!)

seseorg sudah mula menyemak FB sy! O.M.G! tp sy xtau nape sy cm rileks jer..haha.. sy xwat pape kesalahan knp perlu sy rs gabra...ye x? tahla..sy cm da mati perasaan je.. (heartless perhaps?) sy nk tumpukan perhatian pd diri sy je skrg ni.. skt nyer ati sy skrg bile tiap2 ari ade je yg xkena.. (ye sy tau umur sy da lanjut (nanges sgt!) sy masih bujang ( dan comel?) tp xperlu la ade je soklan panas dr makcik2 kg sy..) sbb 2 la sy mls nk bergaul dgn org yg seusia mak sy sbb pemikiran ortodoks terhadap perkahwinan masih lagi menguasai minda mereka...(ecececeh!) mujur my parents x begitu ( relieved!) c'mon la ppl..lum kawin bkn bermakne xberjaye dlm hdup!! ishh.. sy ade gak smpn hasrat utk jg anak angkt bila hidup da stabil t..(sy teringin la nk amek ank jepon or korea.. t da beso dorg leh ajar sy bhs ibunda mereka =p sesuatu!) 

hari ni sudah byk makan...harus berjog la ri ni..setelah seminggu sy menternak bdn!! meraung!

if...i.. were...

mode: jiwe parah tp tetap mantain santek...(ke?)

smbil menekan2 pp sdiri sy mula menaip post kali ni..hurm..pp masih kembung walau da bersenam bagai..tp xpela.. mungkin niat utk kurus pd mulanye dgn berjog xkn menjadi..kini sy jd kan jogging sbgi hobi (hurm...sgt la bagus kan smbil sihatkn bdn, kuarkan peluh.. dpt gak sy release tension sy..=D ) jiwe sy thp parah ri ni.. sy xfhm org yg xnk fhm sy..alih2 sy makin xfhm sbb org itew xnk fhm sy langsung... kdg sy fikir kalo sy salah, sy minta maaf n everythg will be okay eventually.. if i ever get upset for certain things i will be out of my mind for at least  1-2 mins or 30mins tough! after that i'll be at the best that i can be.. but that guy will never understand this weird-complex creature named me! i do wonder if he ever "like" me the way he alwiz told me.

deep down inside me i knew that even though he's the best guy i ever met until now (best ke? maybe not the BEST-est kot...haha..ayat!) he only n will only be my best significant one.. not my bestfriend at all.. he would never knew how i felt or needed.. he'll never be my BFF ever.. (so i cant never sing the song called "Lucky-jason mraz " as i'm not that lucky to fall in love with my best buddy...hurm..) tahla.. why cant i meet sum1 else? haha.. mungkin gak sy da bosan kot hdup begini...sy ingin sesuatu yg menarik dlm hidup sy.. sy nk cabaran, sentiasa berdepan dgn pelbagai perkara menarik.. --kalo die bukan tercipta utk sy..sy rela lepaskan die dr rantaian sy--

mode: ok da... <3

bykkn bersabar yer hati.. tlg la bersabar n sibukkan diri sdiri.. (sy seorg yg nmpk sgt tabah tp sbnrnye...fragile inside...nanges!)

linger..

/hihi

sempena thn br ni sy telah pon lancarkan kempen utk mencapai azam sy thn ini... yer n sy berjaya membuat larian paling minima 3pusingan padang bola sepak n sit up sebyk 50x!! hikhik 1 kejayaan bg sy yg sgt la lemah semangat utk habiskan waima 1pusingan pon! i know it may sound soooo lame for sum ppl who can actually work out more than that but i dont give up! i know myself n i know my limits so...i really dont give a damn.. adela skali dlm 2mggu ni me n my buddies went to a gym.. n it wasss soooo exciting..

sumthg keep lingering in my head right now.. have u ever felt like the thing u keep holding back wasnt yours at all? i mean like..if it were not meant 4 u it wont be yours no matter how long u keep it...for real? sy xtau.. ade masa sy rs die bkn la utk sy tp sy masih lagi bertahan smpi skrg.. ade ketika sy rs sy xnk n xkn melepaskan die pergi.. tp skrg sy rs xpela..kalo hatinya bkn utk sy, sy relakan pemergiannya.. sy hanya berserah pada Tuhan sbb sy tahu hanya Dia yang menentukan segala2nya n Dia jugakla yg tahu apa yg baik utk sy.. sy xde mslh dgn dia cume sy rs waktu ini sy nak lebih menghargai diri sdiri. sy nk rs hdp tanpa die utk seketika n sy yakin sy xkn ada mslh utk itu. i know i'll not be completely live without him but surely less in involving his name or action or whatever that has any connection with him. FULLSTOP! sy bkn la sorg wanita yg ske propa my personal life in public.. 2 declare my relationship, put some romantic pics together, not even comments or anythg in public.. (sumtimes in my daily communications i hardly mention his name..) but that's me.. i have no offense for those who like 2 share it all.. (kalo kategori artis 2 sy ni dlm grup yg sorok2 status la kirenyer..haha) /wahaha

ok back 2 normal..have 2 prepare 4 tomorrow! hurm...wish me luck.. n i really hope 4 this one!!/please

/bye

mengingatkan diri sdiri n rakan2

Kita selalu Bertanya....................dan Al-Quran sudah menjawabnya.................

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU DIUJI?
QURAN MENJAWAB :"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; "Kami telah beriman," ("I am full of faith to Allah") sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan, sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."
-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?
QURAN MENJAWAB : "Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesua tu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?
QURAN MENJAWAB : "Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya."
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA RASA FRUST?
QURAN MENJAWAB : "Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman."
- Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB : "Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan), dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah (be fearfull of Allah The Almighty) kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)."

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB : "Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk"
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45

KITA BERTANYA : APA YANG AKU DAPAT DRPD SEMUA INI?
QURAN MENJAWAB : "Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari org2 mu'min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka... ?
- Surah At-Taubah ayat 111

KITA BERTANYA : KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?
QURAN MENJAWAB : "Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain dari Nya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal."
- Surah At-Taubah ayat 129

KITA BERKATA : AKU TAK DAPAT TAHAN!!!
QURAN MENJAWAB : "... ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir."
- Surah Yusuf ayat 12

kalut!

mode: jiwang + jiwe kaco bilau seketika..

yeay! da new year! knp sy mesti gembira walhal umur sy bertambah setahun lg? tahla..yg penting sy mls nk pk hal2 yg menyakitkan ati n kepala sy.. sy xmenjanjikan diri sdiri ape2 thn ni (walaupun azam utk kurus ttp bersemadi..hihi...nanges!) apatah lg untuk mr.z yg ade plan bsr 2010 ni (katanyer...) sy cuma harapkan thn ni sy xjmp da sape2 yg menyakitkan ati sy or ske amek kesempatan ke atas insan lemah lg..(ayat!) thn br ni sy celebrate dgn mr.z cm thn pas gak..beza nye permulaan thn ni hbgn kami agak berkembang.. (apart from my body saiz...ngehngeh!) in spite of 8 years being together..thn ni da nk msk ke 9.. ank sedara mr.z pun da msk darjah 3 yg usia nyer same dgn hbgn kami.. n sy xbenarkan ank2 sedara mr.z pggl sy mak cu (as he's pakcu =p) agak cliche la bg sy..pe kt pggl aunty ana jer..or xpun cikna.. (hihi...sy sgt pasan yg sy msh lg 18 thn!)

mode: semangat waja

hoho..baekla ptg ni sy akan try jlnkn misi bersenam dgn penuh dedikasi.. (owh yer...sy sudah bertambah berat! cm nangka adanye =p) makne azam thn lepas xtercapai.. hurm.. tp thn ni sy akan pastikan ia tercapai dgn penuh bergaye.. hoho..nanges! sy telah 2 ari menghindari nasik.. harusla berusaha menghindari selama yg mungkin...(cabaran sabtu ni ada majelis kawen ank en saad...aduh...!) sy ade beli bj inspirasi pd new year ri 2.. saiz agak kecil wak2 ini..tp azam sy by 2nd month sy da boleh memakainyer.. (mate bersinar2) harap sgt..

=( sy agak sedey hari2 awal thn br ni.. walaupun ade mr. z d cc.. mungkin kalo kaki sy bkn saiz 7 sy mungkin akn lebih gmbire? nanges...

** saiz 7 adelah simbolik sy pd sesuatu! (sendu!)