bcoz i'm a girl (in black)

[caption id="attachment_246" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="this-is-so-me!"][/caption]

k..there are lots of suprises i'd received recently. n mind u i'm not happy with it as those suprises really kick-my-a**-dam*-hard.. n this morning i'd received an email that i could considered it as a slow-killing machine or  a real-time bomb perhaps (that can explodes anytime )email that gave an order to attend sum kind of manuscript writing workshop (bla..bla..) n it will be an intensive workshop as i heard a news that the tentative is scheduled from am till pm .. even when i'm thinking of it my brain starting to get tired..next week will b a long-exhausted week n so with another week..i've got progress meeting to attend and have to present my current progress (which in my previous post i did mention how "well" it was rejected! )

my life is so complicated right now .. besides work, there's another thing that keep wandering in my head..plz dont be so harsh 2 me dear life.. i'm juz an ordinary yet a simple girl who leads superficial life..so easy 2 predict yet trying so hard to keep my feelings deep inside..

all about edward cullen?

[caption id="attachment_241" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="this guy?"][/caption]

suddenly my blog's hits increasing drastically..well i presummed that it's all bcoz of the pic of edward cullen wallpaper. yup he's gorgeous, so charming n cute..but dont get me wrong. for me what's outside is not that important..(4 me lar) yup i do like edward cullen but i like his character the most. i mean..maybe it's a bit cliche but i do like sum1 who's protective, got a shoulder 2 cry on (coz i'm a cry-baby?), can accept me the way i am n he muz need me like i need him..like i can juz lie down on his shoulder n told everythg n then all the troubles seem so far..far..away..if he's a handsome guy then it will be a bonus. but it's all about heart. if u starting 2 like sum1 u will automatically like everythg about him..like rainy days seem to fade away..(weeee...)

[caption id="attachment_242" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="~love is in the air~"][/caption]

enuff of that..i muz admit that my self-motivation level is below 0 this week. it's all bcoz of sum pathetic situation that i've been thru last monday n it's last until now. i'm begging to that particular person n reminding myself that if u cant motivate sum1 2 be productive dont ever condemn that person till she/he cant work well after that!

[caption id="attachment_243" align="aligncenter" width="237" caption="trying to gain my strength once again"][/caption]

Reconstruct

Karma : -the good or bad emanations felt to be generated by someone or something

this is the 2nd time i felt down..after almost 2 years and half i've done nothing but rubbish? i really dont think i can keep moving on if the person who supposed to back up me was the 1 who stabbed me right in front of my face!..n she keep saying about stabbing person at the back? (whattheheck?? )i'm not that innocent person yet not that too-bit**y type..but pls..if u dont want any responsibilities juz dont take it..i'm so pissed off n at that moment until now i'm thinking of quitting what i had done.. i'm supposed i dont have any gud motivation right now..(even when mr. z keep saying..come on baby I LIKE )

maybe it's a joke but nobody knows.. i've got to let this awful-down-feeling go! maybe if i were sum1 who special to certain ppl, talented, bubbly..thing will turns to be different i presumed..i do hate double standard-ing so much..in fact it disgusts me a-lot (seriously ) do hate it so much!

p/s -  if u dont want ppl treat u like a h*ll juz dont treat other ppl like that!

it's a normal things u favor particular person but do treat ppl nicely n EQUALLY!

Love n Regards;

A.L

this is so lame..

sum ppl..juz dont care other feelings..maybe it was my fault at all..

like...whatever..

learning 2 fly

until recently i didnt get opportunity to drive ALONE far from bangi to melaka.. things turned a bit different when i got the chance to drive to kuantan.. (EVENTUALLY!! i really didnt expect that..huhu) at first, i was so excited (n it was easy coz what i'd got to do was followed mekcah ) n as i arrived at temerloh "sumbody" took turn to drive Queen Bee 4 me to kuantan..(wee..) n i took the chance 2 sleep in the car while he was driving ..(i'm so into sleep-till-i-drop) n mind u it was so pleasant as i didnt have 2 drive myself 4 about 4 days..

BUT...good things alwiz comes to end..i had 2 drive back to bangi..alone (once again..huh! sigh ) it really worried me a lot as i've alwiz loss my sense of direction..(in other word..LOST! ) but i do managed to arrive at ampang n had a terrible jammed .. the real adventure was beyond that, tho.. i missed 1 exit n had to drive until puchong n at that moment i became panicked! i called mr.z (he already aware bout the bluntness of my sense of direction..) n...suddenly my phone turned off (dam* that battery!!)  i'm so scared n started to shed tears when i realised i'm LOST! I ENTERED THE WRONG EXIT (as i didnt noticed the signboard written bangi after kajang!) n that exit made me drove the same place twice (with the terrible jammed at seri kembangan!) as i drove the lebuhraya skve second time..i pray to God for the guideness n often told myself that i had 2 believe n help myself this time..(as the phone didnt work 4 me to call or sms any1 n i am alone driving back home) the motivation i gave 2 myself really worked.. i didnt feel afraid nor panic. n i was safely arrived home.. (n mr. z kept calling n sms-ing my housemate since he couldnt contact me.. which i think..it's a bit pathetic 4 me as every1 knew 'm lost..)

this experience make me realized that i have to have a good motivation n determination here in me. coz.. notwithstanding in a difficulty when no 1 can saves me..i am alone who can help myself..and of course GOD is the 1 alwiz be there.. like a bird which starting 2 fly..here i am..learning to take care of myself, trying to be less clumsy, avoid of being a cry baby..n most important at all..try to standing on my own feet..

p/s no wonder my father alwiz take a look at a map if he ever wanted to go to places he never went .. geess..have to get myself a map of selangor n malaysia..huhu (adding a new resolution in my list! )

Love n Regards,

A.L