Tuhan kirimkanlah aku,
kekasih yang, baik hati,
yang mencintai aku,
apa adanya
Mawar ini, semakin layu,
tak ada yang, memiliki,
seperti, aku ini,
semakin, pupus
(munajat cinta -ahmad dhani)
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been into this song lately..yup..it's a slow song but i like it so much..(n recently YUNA -& SEBENARNYA..) hmm..i tend to be sum1 who alwiz shedding my tears no matter how small the thing is..(exception..xla smpi terpijak taik ayam pun nangis..huhu)..that's my biggest weakness in life..i juz lurvvve 2 cry n i dont know why..maybe that's some sort of mechanism for me 2 defend myself..(from...who? what? when? how??) recently..sum "BIG" things had happened to my life..n it was hard, tough..n i juz thought i'm not gonna make it.. sumhow i managed to get over it. n what i'd learned..i muz be strong, i cant rely on other ppl so much..n most importantly..i have to stop crying..
yup..my hands r small n i know..but they are mine..right now i gained a lot of energy n started to love myself even more..(deepest appreciation n thousands of tx dedicated to my family who alwiz be there 4 me..n supported me..thru my gud n bad times..) i knew i'd troubled myself a lot n i often forget bout me many times..i alwiz try not to hurt other ppl but it's me who hurt the most eventually.. n i hate myself 4 being sooooo ridiculous.. i am responsible for my feelings n for that reason i will not let myself cause my heart so much misery anymore..
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tx for treating me that way..n it's u who taught me to be strong..even it really cuts me deep, though
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry
Love n regards,
A.L
hmm.. some ppl dont care about the rest..just they, themselves n what they aimed for.. my progress meeting previously..well...i dont have problems with the presentation (i guessed) BUT I DO HAVE PROBLEMS WITH SOME PPL right now!! (n dam* i mean it).. 
deep down inside me i really dont want 2 b rude or forget 'bout ppl who helped me..but it's so annoying when u get blamed all the times..(since i alwiz wear black doesnt mean i have that weird bad character thou!) maybe yup..it's my fault..i prefer ppl 2 assume me as a bad girl - u might have 2 know me better then u can judge me later- rather than sweet-nice-bubbly girl (which turns out 2 b not-so-innocent pun eventually..hAHA)
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..this week will have the same manuscript writing workshop..phew.. if u dont like me why u should pick me together with all ur fav pet??!! the choosen 1 wasnt alwiz b me..but when it comes to the worst 1..yup..i'm the 1st choice after all..yet the best choice to be the worst i could say..
..if u want to be at the top of everythg u muz do whatever it takes 2 make sure it's u who alwiz be the best..n how it works?
pulling ur frens 2gether to reach the golden goal? 
naah! dont be that innocent-nice-bubbly girl la
.. instead of pulling..u have u PUSH every1 down, STEP at their back n CLIMB to their head to get to the top!
in addition..u have to told every1 how pathetic u r, how ppl treat u badly, how u lead ur life so hardly (including that u r not fully supported) 
..n the crucial part - u have 2 show ur best yet find the worst in ur enemy n spread it to ur boss
..(afterward tell ur frens a.k.a ur enemy u will never done anythg that will ruin their reputations!) believe me it really works la..(whether u r working in lab or office
)
) juz 2 remind myself.. treat ppl the way u want to be treated (its OK 4 me if u want to be treated as H*LL 
..wasnt my problem at all)
A.L
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