the way it supposed to be

Yesterday was hell –literally -_-“ maybe it was PMS –duhh! Maybe it was me myself. The day before I got news –a bad one which change my life forever –well not entirely forever but still huh…sigh! I knew it all along but it was a wake up call for me. Suddenly I have to change my entire living plan. Harusla bersedih sampai tertidur –yesh I am that kind of woman..sedih sampai tak henggat la kononnya.. hehe!

If my life were a fairytale obviously I would be that evil witch people hate the most and wish never ever existed! Contrary indeed. Last raya I felt so much blessed. People-who-hate-me-for-no-concrete-reason-from-i-was-a-lil-girl finally shedded their tears while hugged and kissed me. I was shocked. As much as I hated them for treating me wrongly I hugged them back. And I was relieved. Not because finally they like me –for-some-reason-which-i-don’t-even-know- but in my heart I knew I was able to forgive them and ask for forgiveness.

It is a blessed. Indeed. And it feels so much better now knowing we holding no grudge against each other –at least. But what’s my life without a cloud-stormy-rain? It ain’t easy.

Well.. I’ll just go with the flow. It’s a bit whimsical but I am sure I can handle it just like I always do. And at the end after all this messy-terrible-things had happened, I can give a pat on my shoulder. For being strong, determine and for being myself, honestly.

Already prepared my resign letter. I give myself 3 months and yes it means by end of this year. Sometimes I do wonder if I let myself free will I really be happy or getting worse? Or should I do something that I really like and lead my life the way I want? Melodramatically.

Whatever happens happens. Only God knows why and the best.

Candlelight Dinner & iphone ~huhu~

Semalam berbuka puasa dengan candle light dinner. Lol! Sebab tiada letrik -_-" sejam jugak la bergelap sambil ditemani cahaya lilin. Mujur lepas mandi baru takde letrik. Sempat telefon careline TNB tanya kot-kot dorang tau sampai bila kami kena bergelap hasil nya...masih dalam siasatan. -_-"

jari jemari tembun -_-" belek-belek gambar ni masa ambil dalam samar-samar cahaya tak nampak lak pape entiti paranormal. mujur takde..smlm kn malam jumaat -_-" sila la berhenti baca cerita hantu!!

Da habis sedut Hell's Kitchen Season 10 tapi semalam sempat tengok sampai episod 4 je. Bila puasa di siang hari harus la mata ni mudah nak tutup tepat pukul 10 malam. huhu. Encik bagi msg pun tak dengar sebab mata da berat sangat da. Harusla tidur bagi pulihkan tenaga. Lol!

Dapat iphone ni. Ko ado?? hahahaha

p/s: "Butterfly terbanglah tinggi, Setinggi anganku untuk meraihmu, Memeluk batinmu yang sempat kacau.. Karna merindu" -konon-konon nak jiwang bagi msg ni kat encik pg td..sekali encik reply "ko kena angin pe ni ha? " hahahahha...xleh blah la encik. ko memang sesuatu!

takde tajuk

Wahhh.. hari ni jadi combi zombie. Kalau zombie dok kejar otak orang, aku lak ibarat zombie yang mengejar kafein! Hah amek ko! Semalam layan cerita Spartacus sampai pukul 2 pagi. Tu pun paksa gak mata untuk tidur kalau tak mahu nya sampai subuh tak lelap mata lagi. Pukul 6.30 da bangun. Menggigil badan masa bangun tadi sebab tak cukup tidur. Hahahaha.. ada ke patut? Rasa-rasa macam lama je sujud solat subuh tadi. Ahh sudah!

Tu lah orang dok posting kat facebook malam nisfu syabaan banyak kan amalan bukan banyak kan marathon drama siri (itukah amalan yang akan dibawa nanti? -_-“)  kisahnya semalam konon nak tengok Ghost Adventures kat TV8 tapi tetiba housemate da tukar channel. Huhu.. takpe la pas siap solat bagai tangan ni gatal ter –on lak laptop and bukak siri Spartacus. Mujur baru abis sedut season 1. Kalau tak harus la habis semua season malam semalam gak ;p

Cerita pasal gladiator and slaves. Memang ganas la lebih kurang macam cerita game of thrones (I loike!-minggu lepas baru habis marathon game of thrones) Cuma view tak secantik game of thrones. Iye la Spartacus aired on 2010 kalau tak silap while game of thrones baru je tahun lepas. Tambah lak Spartacus ni macam low-budget drama la. And original hero for this drama already R.I.P –cancer. Kesian nama baru nak naik da takde.

 Arya Stark yang comel!

Malam ni harus tidur awal ganti balik tidur semalam yang tak cukup –heh! Tak leh janji sebab sampai rumah jer harusla mata ni segar bugar. Kat ofis kemain ko ngantok tahap panda semput. Minggu depan macam nak marathon cerita baru pulak. Pretty Little Liars ok k ek? Huhu..

postscript: as much as Arya Stark hates The Lannister that's how much hatred i have for u!! LOL-_-"

Walking....Deadly.. -_-"

I love blog-walking. And it's bored when there are no new post from frens' blog. Phew.. Then I noticed I hardly blogging since April. It's been a while since i ever posted anything here. No, am not busy with what am doing right now. It just...i tried to gain any last bit of my strength to keep going with my life. Yes, am sound serious and I am. For about 2 months when I'm thinking about it I'll get grumpier, blaming myself for everything..It's not like am not moving on. Am just a human..sometimes the memories just popped up in my head and there I go again remembering every details of what had happened that night and never lost a single flash of it. But in the end I always knew I am not the one who hurt the most. Someone had been through his life harder right now and for that I must be stronger than before. 

Speaking of which, I did missed some of my favorite TV series as consequences of what had happened previously. Now I am back in track. And..(with shiny eyes) i fell in love with The Walking Dead (TWD) series (ohmegerd!!) I knew long enough that i do love anything with zombie apocalypse..and if it were happened -and if I'm survive- am gonna hunt for that one special biatch and her other half (if they became zombies) and kill them first- but if vice versa..well am gonna eat them first- LAUGHING OUT LOUD WITH STRAIGHT FACE- hahahaha..

I even read its comics. There are some characters wasn't in the comics but in tv series. I do love the main character which is Rick Grimes (somehow he reminds me of Dan Humphrey -Gossip Girl -which idk where's the connection -_-"  maybe the way they talk..quite cute didn't they? ) and Daryl Dixon. A brave yet volatile men whom we would want to be in our team if the apocalypse ever happened..I mean..hey who the hell will make himself a sandwich after got lost 9 days in the woods?? ;p Can't wait to watch TWD season 3 which might coming soon around this Oct they said.

While Queen B (obviously Blair from GG) eventually confessed the one that she loves all the time is Chuck Bass. I loved the couples -they have this cute-scheming-team- which would never came succeed between Blair and Dan. Poor lonely Boy.. I must said that i did have a slightly crush on Lonely Boy at 1st season but not anymore now.. huhu.. Surprisingly Bart Bass is alive (waaaaaa...Chuck did lost his title in Bass Industry but am hoping Blair will help him from despair like a looong time ago - previous season I mean)

still Henry (the kid) is waaayyy better than annoying Carl (TWD)

This weekend am doing marathon of Once Upon a Time - sometimes i just felt I really wanna shake Emma's body and tell her that she is Mary Margaret a.k.a Snow White daughter -but she'll now eventually when it is season finale as usual *_* rolling eyes! and don't forget tons of movie which I'd got from various source -if u know what I mean-hahaha... Encik said he will be going to KL this weekend or next Monday so at least I have something to do while he's not here.. yep..it's kinda bored when he's not around..no one to act goofy with -haha-

Red Riding Hood -she's hot!

Am trying to post entry from my android -ooo...encik bought me a smart phone for my birthday, and it's pink and small and slim just like me (pffff)- but the excitement is different than using pc or laptop as it's smaller and unfortunately the digi's line in my area wasn't so clear so using internet would be suck!

Long post for now..huhu...don't now when will I ever back to normal.


p/s: Sophie won the antm : British Invasion -hoorraaayyy... between Laura and Sophie i loved both of them.. as Laura wasn't so annoyed like Eboni (30-never la sgt kan...) and Simone (suka sgt muncung bila kena komen ke hape..pfff) but in the end they picked Sophie.. nampak sgt la sebab Nigel dgn Kelly prefer Sophie than Laura.. heh..

S.t.u.n.n.i.n.g

Monolog

“ saya menaiki sebuah kapal yang sangat besar bersama seorang lelaki dan seorang wanita yang saya sangat kenal. Tapi saya tak ingat siapa mereka. Tiba-tiba kapal tersebut melalui jurang yang sangat dalam. Saya tak mampu berbuat apa-apa cuma sempat berdoa dengan Tuhan untuk selamatkan saya. Pelik bila saya selamat dalam kapal itu, tidak tenggelam tapi lelaki dan wanita itu hilang. Dan saya tersedar mendengar azan subuh.”

Jari manis kanan masih bengkak. Lebam da hilang tapi masih tak boleh sarung cincin di situ. Hati saya juga masih bengkak dan terus terbungkam sepi. Secara serius saya tak tahu apa relevan nya semua ini dalam hidup saya. Saya tak mampu nak hadapi semua ini. Tapi siapalah saya untuk mengatakan tidak pada ketentuan Illahi. Ya, saya redha. Saya pasrah.

Segala yang terjadi ada hikmah yang tersembunyi. Sambil berjenaka saya memberitahu pada diri. Saya dan Rita Rudaini bagaikan mempunyai kisah yang sama kecuali dia seorang yang cantik. Mungkinkah akhirnya saya akan menang seperti Fasha Sandha yang sangat manis di hari bahagianya setelah melalui pelbagai fasa perhubungan dengan cinta hati? Saya tidak tahu.

Saya tak pernah nak memisahkan seorang ibu dengan anaknya. Apatah lagi menjadikan seorang anak itu derhaka terhadap wanita yang paling berharga dalam hidup setiap manusia. Saya selalu mengalah walaupun hati saya remuk, maruah saya bagai dipijak-pijak. Mungkin saya tidak redha dan ikhlas diperkotak-katikkan sebegitu. Tapi saya bukan maksum. Saya hanya manusia biasa yang penuh dengan dosa dan khilaf. Saya akan lepaskan dia hanya jika dia yang meminta. Ya. Saya akur andai takdirNya begitu.

Layakkah saya mencintai makhlukNya sedangkan cinta agungNya tidak pernah saya damba? Layakkah saya merindui hambaNya sedangkan rindu padaNya tidak pernah terungkap? Layakkah saya terus mengharap kasih dari ciptaanNya sedang kasihNya yang satu sentiasa melimpah ruah?

Ya..terlalu jauh kaki ini melangkah. Hanya padaMu ku berserah.

Alhamdulillah.. semua ini menjadikan saya lebih kuat. Saya maafkan dan redha dengan semua yang berlaku. Cuma melupakan perkara ini akan mengambil masa. Masih berparut dan harapnya tidak akan terluka di masa hadapan. Tapi saya hanya mampu merancang. Yang baik dan indah datang dari Allah. Yang buruk dari diri saya sendiri.

semoga semuanya baik-baik saja.