forever be miss

He came to our world unexpectedly. And he died terribly. He was hit by a car in front of our house. U can tell how much on earth the reckless driver speeding within the housing area and causing our cat to die. Obviously, it’s the housing area and should u not speeding in spite how expensive your car might be. Rest in peace our dear sweet Stokin..u will always be miss. And i admit, by the time i wrote about it i couldn’t stop crying. Surely i was not the one who fed him or bathed him or took care of his poops.. still i couldn’t stop crying, thus try to imagine how sad it was to a person whose in charges of everything, went through the lost of it. For us, the cats or fish are not just pets. Which ever or whomever came to our life and stayed are family.. our little family.

Once we get bonded with something it’s so hard to leave. And yes, here i am living my life, once again in same region of Malaysia. Maybe i spoke to soon about leaving here and back to my hometown for good. Definitely i was wrong. I got a better job offer here while doing part time job at my previous company –again, when i was about to resign, and this time for good, my previous bos persuaded me to keep working even as part timer –and how can i said no.. keeping my mind busy will definitely avoiding my heart to feel numb about anything that couldn’t-shouldn’t be happen in my life, not now not never. 

My bos was ok –well at least until he knew i was engaged –which i’m not obviously. I’m just using that lame excuse so people won’t pop up the golden questions. I found that sort of action merely as good as strong defense mechanism one should have –better yet people at the site are now believed that i’m having someone special and won’t bother to know things about me beside work. Sounds popular? Hahahahahaha.. it’s the flaw of being the only girl in the cabin and in the company i assume.

~just because we couldn’t be together doesn’t means i won’t love u~

The abnormal

spending this "holiday" with an old-timer-movie. heh! I knew I won't have this opportunity in future so yeah.. why not? =) got a called from my colleague from kuantan office just now asking why can't I work back with them? Truth is I won't not cause I can't. I just don't want. Being admin wasn't an easy job after all plus when you have to deal with the account some more. I 'm just too tired. Maybe I should try something else.. An astronaut perhaps ;p

Too much things I have to think about.. 

such a hectic mind...right now

It's done!

As shock as it may sound..well yeah.. I did resign from my job here. I mean the one that offered me the big amount (allegedly). It was so much hectic and heartache I’m going to say but the details..well let me keep it myself. 

When you are the only different race among the others surely you will be treated “better” –in sarcastic way. I keep being patience and try to adapting to the environment but that’s it. Last Wednesday was my limit. And honestly if I keep staying in the same place, doing the same job I’ll be the women version of Incredible Hulk –but I’d prefer turning into purple rather than green. LOL. 

The policy stricted state that only can use ENGLISH –but hey, since there’s only one people with other race why don’t we just use our common tongue. It wasn’t the big problem actually. But can’t use malay words I think that’s a big BullS**t! Come on.. we are supposed to be 1Malaysia I presume. 

And the biggest s**t that I’m supposely control THE company account not the owner’s japanese restaurant, or do their clients’ E form or etc. Am only starting for a week and the bos assumed me to know every files located, every single receipts was kept or the previous years file was stored. This is absurd. Totally insane.

I knew i had signed the contract but look I’m still in probation. But did the boss listen to me..nope. And being the one who keep comparing me to her favourite staff and a month trainees there. So yeah. 

I’m pissing off and unemployed in time being. This I knew that being patience and keep staying there won’t do me any good!

through sleepless night

Bakal Transit?

This is it. Some people might consider it as the end, but for me I do believe that this is the new beginning for me. The job that I once said I was undelightful to accept, finally become my new career. The new boss offered such an amount that I know I cannot resist compared to my previous wages. While my previous boss just won’t let me resign –just yet. -_-“ He threw my resignation letter and asked me to stay –which I will if the situation was better. 

This week became a mad week for me. The week which I had to give a month notice (minus 12 days annual leave) and accept the offer letter while finishing my task –which is behind schedule obviously -_-“. Of course I didn’t manage to complete it, which is why I have to bring all the documents, files, etc back home. Unofficially, I've already resign from my previous jobs; HOWEVER, the previous boss wants me to keep working even from far-far-away. Like we won’t see each other eyes to eyes but keep connecting via email, courier, phone calls, and teamviewer, Which means I have to going back to back Kuantan-Melaka every fortnight or so. -_-“ and he said it may takes a while –within a year or two- then I can decide whether to resign officially or working back with them. 

I already packed some of my stuffs at my office. Hopefully there’s a replacement for me not long after I’ll be gone. The salary will be double but not to mention the stress + burden I have to cope with. Will start working at new place this Monday –while still carrying the stuffs at my previous office. Arrgghhh!! Will I manage to do that? Hopefully things will get better as soon as I can adapt with new environment. Luckily, I’ll be working five days a week only, so Saturday will be my working day for previous boss. 

Have to manage my time wisely, as my main focus always to complete the one and only thesis I had been holding on for quite sometimes! 

Owh..masih belum packing barang nak pindah. Esok sudah nak balik kampung. Kerja di tempat baru akan ada sedikit stress..bahasa utama adalah bahasa Inggeris. Sila jangan kekambingan nanti!!!!!

The decision

-_-“ I’ve got a new job oppurtunity. But frankly, i was undelighted to accept it. Berat hati. The salary is better than my current job and I’m sure it’s level of stress will also be double. It’s not the main issue here. I know myself and I’m 100 % sure I’ll handle the stress within my professional level –pfff- It’s not the job but it’s me. 

Truthfully I was not brave enough to leave my comfort zone. I knew I told myself to move on but deep down when there’s a chance I wasn’t happy to do so. Ooowhh..how pathetic I am? How can I move on when part of me is missing? How I wish I am strong.. how I yearn to be strong.. how I need to be strong.. such an idiot for me to let go the golden chance. 

When they offered me the job i was speechless. Yup, I didn’t expect to be the one –didn’t have study background nor familiar with some-sort of terms in that particular area- but I do have experiences. I still didn’t give them any answer. Still in dilemma. LOL.

Must make a decision. Argggghhhh!!!!!

L.O.V.E

“The worst feeling in the world is when you know that you both love each other but still you just can’t be together” from twitter.

Kids define love –

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” – Cindy – age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” – Clare – age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” – Elaine-age 5.

Still, love is subjective.

Rasa kasihan sangat kat seorang retis ni. At the tender age of 24 (tender?) she forced to face this sort of dilemma. Looking back to 2007, I was in her shoes when things happened to me. (Wait, 2007 -wasn’t me around her age at that time, was I?) But mine was better as I am no singer -better yet mylife wasn’t in the spotlight every now and then ;p. Nope-there’s no counter-attack statement or u-tube video uploaded.. but the scenario was more or like the same. 

It hurts. Was and will always. Believe me. The scar will go but the pain will linger. The misunderstanding, the heartache, the humiliation –will be our motivation to keep being stronger. Nope, am not her fan nor follow her life story but for me, we shouldn’t be judgemental. The ones who suffer is her –her alone. And maybe her significant one –the way he gave his statement, for me, really showed his unstable emotion, or maybe that’s who he is, i don’t know. Yes, she’s being immature to upload some sort of video but try to understand people who in that situation CANNOT think normally as their heart was in such pain –The kind of pain that can’t ever be talked about. You have to experience it, and then judge yourself. 

I am not taking anybody sides –not her parents, her loved one nor herself. Just let her be alone for a while to clear her minds and consciences. She will make a lot of stupid judgement for herself in time being, but in the end if they were meant to be then they will. If not, she will know. It’s good for us to pray the best for them. 

As for me, I am still battling. The war is not over yet, more heartache, pain will appear in my life. Still, running from family wasn’t the best decision (mine case was vice versa LOL). My family will always being my strength pillar -they fight for me and never let me lose this war, even the one who always losing is yours truly. 

p/s reporter pun jangan la wat propaganda lagi. Bio le dorang bincang elok2. Rimas la reporter kepochi yang kdg2 bagi soklan minta penampar!!

p/p/s Dia selalu ada untuk kita.. hanya pada Dia tempat kita mengadu