The abnormal

spending this "holiday" with an old-timer-movie. heh! I knew I won't have this opportunity in future so yeah.. why not? =) got a called from my colleague from kuantan office just now asking why can't I work back with them? Truth is I won't not cause I can't. I just don't want. Being admin wasn't an easy job after all plus when you have to deal with the account some more. I 'm just too tired. Maybe I should try something else.. An astronaut perhaps ;p

Too much things I have to think about.. 

such a hectic mind...right now

It's done!

As shock as it may sound..well yeah.. I did resign from my job here. I mean the one that offered me the big amount (allegedly). It was so much hectic and heartache I’m going to say but the details..well let me keep it myself. 

When you are the only different race among the others surely you will be treated “better” –in sarcastic way. I keep being patience and try to adapting to the environment but that’s it. Last Wednesday was my limit. And honestly if I keep staying in the same place, doing the same job I’ll be the women version of Incredible Hulk –but I’d prefer turning into purple rather than green. LOL. 

The policy stricted state that only can use ENGLISH –but hey, since there’s only one people with other race why don’t we just use our common tongue. It wasn’t the big problem actually. But can’t use malay words I think that’s a big BullS**t! Come on.. we are supposed to be 1Malaysia I presume. 

And the biggest s**t that I’m supposely control THE company account not the owner’s japanese restaurant, or do their clients’ E form or etc. Am only starting for a week and the bos assumed me to know every files located, every single receipts was kept or the previous years file was stored. This is absurd. Totally insane.

I knew i had signed the contract but look I’m still in probation. But did the boss listen to me..nope. And being the one who keep comparing me to her favourite staff and a month trainees there. So yeah. 

I’m pissing off and unemployed in time being. This I knew that being patience and keep staying there won’t do me any good!

through sleepless night

The perks of chubbiness

( the entry has nothing to do with the title. I'm just being me after all -_-" predictable)

Recently, my bride-to-be-lil-sis wassup-ed me. I knew there was something happened when she contact me. Not that I don’t like it, I love it so much. With her, I can be myself. We always gossiping and updating each other. 

Owh, she’s the one who wanted me to be her bridesmaid. Heh. It’s a big NO honey. I’m just too old for that sort of stuff. She told me she wanted to call her engagement off. No, I wasn’t surprise at all. I knew that stage, when the other side didn’t show as many interest as we did (in the preparations etc) we will get mad. As if they didn’t want this thing (marriage) to be happen and the one who put all their best is US. Ok..this I’m referring to people who will get married. Heh.

So, I adviced her to calm down, try to reminiscing all the good times they had shared together within their nine years ++ being in love and still. This is the crucial step in their relationship. But she scolded me for taking sides of her fiance. Huhu. Actually, it wasn’t my purpose. I knew that guy will take a really good care of her. Nothing for sure but I do trust my instinct. And she said apart of my hustle-hectic-love-life, I still keep cool. I tried my best not to meroyan ;p. 

For being real, I’m not cool. I was weak and fragile. I was, back then and now. There’s a say that you don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. Owh by the way, I didn’t accept the job offer. I called the company last Friday said sorry and told them I have a better offer, which I haven’t. They said they will try to offer me another deal and make me to reconsider on Monday and they didn’t call back today so I guess I’m not their best candidates anymore. Heh! Well, better searching for another job. I won’t allow myself working in the same company anymore for consecutive years to come. -_-“

L.O.V.E

“The worst feeling in the world is when you know that you both love each other but still you just can’t be together” from twitter.

Kids define love –

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” – Cindy – age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” – Clare – age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” – Elaine-age 5.

Still, love is subjective.

Rasa kasihan sangat kat seorang retis ni. At the tender age of 24 (tender?) she forced to face this sort of dilemma. Looking back to 2007, I was in her shoes when things happened to me. (Wait, 2007 -wasn’t me around her age at that time, was I?) But mine was better as I am no singer -better yet mylife wasn’t in the spotlight every now and then ;p. Nope-there’s no counter-attack statement or u-tube video uploaded.. but the scenario was more or like the same. 

It hurts. Was and will always. Believe me. The scar will go but the pain will linger. The misunderstanding, the heartache, the humiliation –will be our motivation to keep being stronger. Nope, am not her fan nor follow her life story but for me, we shouldn’t be judgemental. The ones who suffer is her –her alone. And maybe her significant one –the way he gave his statement, for me, really showed his unstable emotion, or maybe that’s who he is, i don’t know. Yes, she’s being immature to upload some sort of video but try to understand people who in that situation CANNOT think normally as their heart was in such pain –The kind of pain that can’t ever be talked about. You have to experience it, and then judge yourself. 

I am not taking anybody sides –not her parents, her loved one nor herself. Just let her be alone for a while to clear her minds and consciences. She will make a lot of stupid judgement for herself in time being, but in the end if they were meant to be then they will. If not, she will know. It’s good for us to pray the best for them. 

As for me, I am still battling. The war is not over yet, more heartache, pain will appear in my life. Still, running from family wasn’t the best decision (mine case was vice versa LOL). My family will always being my strength pillar -they fight for me and never let me lose this war, even the one who always losing is yours truly. 

p/s reporter pun jangan la wat propaganda lagi. Bio le dorang bincang elok2. Rimas la reporter kepochi yang kdg2 bagi soklan minta penampar!!

p/p/s Dia selalu ada untuk kita.. hanya pada Dia tempat kita mengadu

Menjeruk rasa

Teringat kata-kata seorang forumer “kalau seseorang itu bukan menantu pilihan, pergi masjid pun orang kata menjalang. Kalau menantu pilihan, duduk mengangkang pun dikatakan bidadari turun dari syurga.. malanglah orang bukan menantu pilihan. Terpaksa hidup dalam ketabahan yang dipaksa-paksa”.

 

Kalau menantu aku, aku paksa gak dia jadi pilihan aku. Heh! 

Kita tak boleh paksa orang untuk berubah. Tapi kita boleh je kalau nak berubah.

After all, you gain what you sow. 

p/s: bahasa agak kasar sebab mengekalkan keaslian ayat-ayat forumer tersebut. 

Reminiscing

Aku suka buat lawatan blog-blog budak remaja ni. Kelakar, pelik dan mengingatkan aku zaman remaja dulu. Kalau dulu aku memang kategori budak skema (ehem..). ada sesetengah part yang buat aku rasa bersyukur aku tak buat benda-benda mengarut –sebab bila kukenang balik i was like..”duhh”. Tapi ada gak yang aku rasa “eiii rugi nya tak buat macam tu dulu” hah!!

Recently when i was blogwalking, i came to read this particular blog. Adik ni baru masuk 14-15 tahun agaknya. I remembered one of my ustaz called this fragile year as “zaman menggatal” –harsh! But true indeed. Her blog (and the situation is same with her other-same-age-friends) always talked about how cute this guy was, caring and so-so, and this guy will be her last-time-lover, and 2-3 weeks after that they’re broke up. And she’ll meet another guy but the case will be the same. Puppy love, been calling each other baby-hubby, do things together and broke up cause of the “gaming” excuses. She’d been game (played, game tu istilah remaja sekarang) by some guy then other guy dumped her and so on. 

One thing I do realized that as teenagers, they always wanted to love and be loved in return (well it goes the same to we, adults as well). Human nature to be precise. Dan bila jumpa seseorang yang lebih baik (lelaki @ perempuan) they tend to fall in love –easily. Lain k zaman hakak dulu. Kalau minat pun simpan dalam hati je, tak pun beritahu kawan-kawan rapat and paling gedik bagi surat la (haish). Kalau yang cun-cun tu memang senang pancing undi tapi yang agak “chubby” and “jambu” ni memang ke laut je la dek! 

Tapi ada satu post yang buat aku terkedu sekejap. This girl cut her hands –macam troll #cutforbieber yang pernah trending kat twitt-er tu.. bukan la potong habis tapi dok kerat-kerat tangan tu. Ish ish ish..ngilu k. Such a cute girl..she is. Maybe at this tender age the urge to do something –to show people they loved that they do love them ..faham tak ek? –is beyond our expectations. Masa ni lah bergelora semangat nak mencuba sesuatu yang baru –sebab tu ade kes terlampau sekarang ni –buang anak, lari rumah, mabuk, etc etc etc. Bukan tak ada zaman aku muda-muda dulu. Tapi tak menggerunkan macam sekarang. Should we blame the technologies –smart phones, internet, social networks? 

 ngilu hakak!!

It’s for us to find out. And for the young generation to cope with the current waves of evolution. 

p/s: Berchenta guna surat sangat romantik tau! Hahahaha