behind the smokey eyes

i heart smokey eyes... its full of mystery n so damn-pretty..hihi.. n yesh until now i still love it.. sumtimes (during my msc studies) my bff's n i went out, n that smokey eyes is a must for me (if i had time...n not lazy to dress-up..hihi) n i do remember 1 of my bffs called it smoking eyes..(hihi..) those were good old days..i missed them.. i had a really bad days now..i mean bad times.. n during these times..its a relieved whenever i have a chance to connect with them even via internet ^_^  n ofc its a good thing if i can connect with the 1 i care the most (but we drifted apart..-sigh- but babe..i will understand ur situation..n ill wait for ya -smile- even u wont read this.-cringe-)

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well..good thing is ephemeral.. n so with bad ones.. everythg is ephemeral.. its up to us to make it lasts.. -haiysz- sumtimes i do wish certain moments in my life will repeats again n again..but then i wont be able to stand up, facing new things in my life coz i will obviously enjoy those moments.. life is hard but thats the way it has to be..to make us stronger..braver.. -heart smiling-

-monolog-...in spite of  being jealous..i mish u babe -haiysz-

insecure -_-"

last week was my 2ndary school reunion (b4 i transferred to muar..hehe) what d'ya expect? ofc m not going.. 1 of the reason got sumthg to do ..while other reason..m not brave enuff to x-pose myself..eekeke..(joke!) they all turn out to be sum1 hawt..meanwhile im still an ugly duckling..lol..the only difference is m not going to turn out to be a swan..(haiysz...) i got this irrelevant-instinct from my childhood until now (which i knew it's sooo ridiculous) to be outstanding u have to have a pretty face..which combine perfectly with fair skin n no acne at all.. (yesh i know beauty is in the eyes of beholder...) n as for me..having a tan (wahahaha..if only it is tan.. =p ) skin..face full of pimples here n there..really didnt caught any eyes la..

do i feel so pathetic? life is pain..n we have to go on even we have no life..NO LIFE? i have a life.. n my life is hard..yeah who doesnt? to have the insecurity -feelings of what u r alwiz troubles me.. n feelings of being rejected..in so many times.. well guess luck isnt my way of life..(huhu) 

but..deep down..i know.. sumwhere over the rainbow.. theres a perfect place for an ugly duckling ^_^

till then..

droplets..

no its not raining here.. but currently listening to colbie caillat -droplets. yeah in life we often meet ppl who will leave a mark in our life..our heart. n the hardest part is we cant tell ppl how much we care bout that person when they left us. we cant tell them how much they meant for us or how much we need them in our life..

 idk if thats the best things i shud do..but im leaving u.know that it hurts me as bad as it hurts u. but i cant continue living like this..

sometimes..

omg..this mean girl is back..ekekekeke..coz its hari raya so slmt hari raya maaf zahir batin. but as human we cant control what will comes from us ..or had came..huhu. n i felt sorry for sum1 who "accidently" got a "gift" from me today...aww..poor lady its u who want it..yet i keep it for u for a really long time.. btw.. actually i am a good girl but this critical situation that i held for my entire lifetime really taught me to be super strong esp when facing that certain "type" of people.. who cares if i didnt get married now? who cares if i keep studying until m grew old? do i ask for their money? BIG N-O! yesh my golden-ultimate target in my life is to get my PHD..n i m hoping to become prof emeritus one day..is that a big prob to u? did i ever bother ur super-pretty-daughter fiancee? did i ever had a glance of ur big-"kapochi"-hubby? i didnt..did i? so i dont understand why u guys keep telling everybody that im like this im like that? hurm..on 2nd thought.. i didnt think  m  so glamour  until u guys keep talking bout me did i?  

well..enuff for that unstable-emo post..hihi..know what..i have a list of things i wanna do b4 i settle down with who-ever-that-sum-1-will-b.. n yesh..if god-willing i will done all that b4 im turning 30.. (owh my...i do realised how old matured i am now..lol) still long way to go..n lots of things to do..juz follow the path that lies ahead.. as long as i didnt allow my heart controls my head..

till then..

welcome back..n a denial..

hihi..m back after so many months.n dont expect so many stories from me as im juz an ordinary girl who leads a simple life tho its fasting month already n hopefully things will get better even best for all of us m a bit sad coz sum1 is leaving me..but i do wish its only a matter of time.. if not..well i do have to keep on moving with or without that person..huh *sigh* in time being i juz pretend that that particular person still with me even we drifted apart..huhu.. 

its good tho..i lost almost 10kg within 3-4 months n idk what ive been doing..hihi n i do miss my frens esp geng kapak sumbing.. this fasting month sure reminded me of the time we broke the fast together..aww..so many memories tho.. i do wanna experience it all..but the sweetest things only..those that involved dramas, heart feelings..sorry..no-can-do..  

hope to have a chance to blog again.. n do miss sum1.. again..slmt berpose sume ^^

  

      

~no matter~